Winter Time
by Daydreamerish
Summary: As the Northern lands grow colder, increasing deaths and a surging war threaten the peaceful inland of the Kingdom of Clarines. But through the frozen fields and the dark rooms of Wilant there lies a thread that binds them, a love warmer than the Sun. A post-canon story set in the rule of King Izana, starring red-haired Shirayuki and the appointed Prince of Wilant, Zen Wistalia.
1. The Despair

**1\. The Despair**

Her foot wouldn't stop moving. It had been like that for three hours now. It was driving her insane, or more like, it was a proof she felt so frustrated and so impotent at her current situation that she was growing insane.

The curtains were still open, but it was pitch black outside. And cold. So cold her hands were frozen although the chimney was on. She just couldn't keep warm lately, no matter what she did. Especially tonight. Well, not that she could do more than she had, though. Alternating stances between loitering around the bedroom and just sitting, almost hysterically moving her foot. Like she had been doing for three hours now. This had to stop.

She suddenly stood up and ran to the bedroom door. She peeked a bit before she gave a few steps on the hallway carpet. But her taste of freedom only lasted a second until a slender, fast figure appeared before her. The hallway was at least a bit more lightened than her dim room, but she only needed to see his bright, cat-shaped eyes to recognize him.

"Mistress, you know it's dangerous, please wait inside a bit more, at least until it's time for dinner." said Obi as he put his hand on her shoulder to push her gently back into her bedroom.

"I can't stand this, Obi. I need to do something,I need to know if there's any news. ANY." There it was again. Those annoying tears surging from her eyes, that stupid knot in her throat that prevented her to speak coherently "pl-please..i-it's been four days" -and exactly 19 hours, she thought- "since I last spoke to someone besides you or Ryuu" her young teacher happened to be at Wilant at that time and often came to work with her and keep her company in her confinement.

It seemed that her face was pitiful enough for Obi to grimace and promise her that he would send a soldier to ask up for any news downstairs.

"But first I need to go to the East wing to search for a replacement...you need to promise me, mistress…" he took her by the shoulders and he could feel her trembling "Listen to me, Mistress." she looked up to him through her tears, and he felt his heart being crushed again for the fifth time that day. "You need to promise me you will remain inside the bedroom. I'm just going to be absent two minutes, and there are guards on both ends of the hallway." He softened his gaze and sighed as she nodded in compliance. She looked so tired, and he wondered if he didn't look the same himself. "I'm sorry we had to do it this way, but-"

"Yes, I know" she said, tired, as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand "The threat that the Baylord clan sent is still on."

"That's it, they are worth nothing but we've got to be cautious since we caught that spy outside the castle" The insurgence from the Baylords was only a collateral consequence of the conflict in the Eastern border, but still… "Mistress, please go inside. I will let you know if there's any news as soon as I can." He smiled at her, but he knew he would probably return empty-handed. There hadn't been any sign of movement outside, no strange noises, just plain silence on an overwhelmingly cold winter night that was just like any other.

As she closed the door, she run to the bed and screamed in her pillow. She couldn't take it much longer. The uncertainty, the frustration, all of it. She had it hard long before it, but those last few days after Obi caught a suspicious man who was trying to figure out the time of the guard shift on the East gate -probably to sneak in- were torture. The man happened to be a spy from the Baylord clan of the North, who had previously lost the favour of the Crown and wanted to take some payback that somehow seemed to be directed exclusively at her. But she couldn't care less about her own safety. Not now. She couldn't bear to care,though. She had been feeling a lot of unpleasant things, but physical and mental exhaustion was a constant.

Above all of those unpleasant, selfish feelings, she missed him. She missed him terribly. How much had it been? Six, seven, eight…eight months already. And counting, she guessed it was close to nine now. He should have been there 3 months ago, he promised her. She couldn't even remember correctly the timbre of his voice, or the fluffiness of his hair. His pillow had long lost his scent, but she kept it close in her sleep, guarding it from the castle maids, always eager to change the pillow sheet.

She trusted him and the promise he wrote in his last letter to her, saying things got a bit more complicated in the East, but that he would surely come home, though a bit later than expected. And so, as she waited for him like a fool, drifting around herbs and pharmacy books, the news reached her.

 _There was an ambush to the royal camp, many casualties happened. The prince and an aide have been seriously injured._

And that was all she knew. A mere sheet of folding paper carried by a dying tropical bird had been the major cause of her despair for the last three months. There hadn't been any arrival of another bird, nor messenger. Just that. As she pondered, she had all the right to be angry. Yes, it suddenly didn't seem that strange for her to feel angry now. Her heart and mind had been crushed by a lot of feelings until that moment –sadness, fear, that unbearable feeling of emptiness when she dared ponder all the possibilities behind that stupidly brief letter- but never anger.

She suddenly felt entitled to feel it. Against that stupid border rebellion, led by a bunch of haughty aristocrats that suddenly felt that allying with the Eastern country was a good idea to gain more recognition from Wistal, only to find that the easterners wanted something else aside from them -their land- and suddenly cried for help. Anger against the cold winter that had just arrived, bringing the coldest storms ever since she moved to Wilant while he was out there in the frozen northeastern fields. Anger against that stupid threat from a declining clan of the North that wanted to boost their confidence by calling her a "worthless peasant whore with red hair" who soon would "meet her destiny in order to keep the purity of the royal line", thanks to which she had been confined in the royal bedroom for one week-

"…and a half" she added against her pillow. Or was it Zen's? she couldn't even tell the difference anymore. She rose up in bed and tossed the pillow away to the corner of the room. She was angry at Mitsuhide and Kiki and Him, for not sending word telling if they were okay, if they had healed, if he was okay…if he was alive. She whined and tossed the other pillow away. She recognized it as his, as it was, even in the darkness of the room, notably dirtier than the other one. She got off the bed and took his pillow again with her. She wondered if she was becoming an evil person for thinking selfishly and being angry at them. She thought that being in the broken-down mental state she was in, some bursts of selfishness could be forgiven. She thought that she would trade it all for any news from them that could drag her away from the pitiful, impotence-filled situation she was in. She would give up the castle- not that it was only hers to give, but she could give up living in it-, she could offer three flasks of the finest Olin Maris, or maybe cut her hair again, that she kept grown at hip-length. She gave a second thought on the last one. He liked to touch her hair and disentangle her braid -or whatever hairstyle she had-at night. It was like a ritual where none of them spoke and he just caressed her hair with the gentlest of touches. She could forget all her surroundings and focus only in him when he did that–his hands, his breathing, his scent-. She held to his pillow and imagined his hands caressing her hair, her face, her back... taking her out of this world.

 **-Hey there! Well, I made this because I belong to the team that thinks that this beautiful couple needs more recognition and further development as they grow older. I just love Zen and Shirayuki and I think that, unlike other couples, their relationship lies very deep. Don't get me wrong, I love Obi. In fact, this almost turned out to be an OT3, but I will leave it be like this for the time being.**

 **I am a sucker for romance, but I love it all the more when it has some sort of political struggles and drama, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. As you can see, it will take multiple chapters, though I don't know exactly how many. I'm still writing it so patience is much appreciated.**

 **I would LOVE to have feedback, tell me what you think about it and read ya next time!**

 **PS: As you can see, the story takes part in the North and Wilant (not Wistal) castle. That's because I think that the lovely king Izana will command Zen to rule Wilant in place of their mother Haruto, something that was implied in the manga and for me it's already canon af.**


	2. The Arrival

**2\. The Arrival**

She was awoken by the sound of running footsteps on the hallway, and she almost let out a shriek of surprise when Obi busted the bedroom door open. He was breathless, something incredibly unusual in Obi. She didn't know what to make of it as she tripped down the bed towards him, trying her best to clear her thoughts and vision. She must had been out for at least two hours, she thought as she glanced at the window, that this time showcased a frightening spectacle of a blizzard storm that was rampaging in the dark.

"Downstairs,…there's a…. convoy approaching to the rear gate" Obi managed to say between breaths.

"N-now?" She said as she verified the current weather conditions through the window. She suddenly realized and her eyes grew wide, wider than any time Obi had seen them.

"Did they? Are they…?"

"Yea, I don't know, mistress, I came as soon as I could confirm it…Sorry I woke you up" He seemed to be reordering his thoughts "I thought you would be resting, that's why I wanted to confirm it before I told you, but this blizzard is keeping us from finding out their identities…What are you doing, mistress?" Said Obi as she frantically grabbed her overcoat and her snow boots from the chair next to the window.

"What do _you_ think _I_ am doing?!" She cried out. "I'm going."

"You know I can't let you do that, mistress. You know this is not a good time for the security of Wilant Castle, not ever since we sent that group of seekers to find Master…" A group of seekers that found no sight of Zen and the others but the royal camp and half of the small northern army burnt to the ground, the land usurped by the neighboring country. Obi sent them back in another direction, and said nothing to the Mistress. It wasn't the kind of news she needed, and besides, Master was still missing, nothing had changed. At least that's what he'd been trying to convince himself with as he saw her face grew sadder and paler as days went by. He gathered his resolve somewhere in the depths of his heart and stood in her way as she walked to the bedroom door.

"Besides, we don't even know if this group of people are them. They could be enemies for all we know.."

He sighed in frustration. He really couldn't keep up with this. She was not a girl to be trapped in a room without doing nothing. Though he knew she understood his position, he felt as if he was the bad guy to her, and he despised that.

"They wouldn't attack in the middle of a blizzard, would they?" Her patience had worn out already and Obi was the last person she wanted to vent her 3-month pent-up despair and rising anger on. "Please, Obi, just let me through. I need to know if it's them, I don't care, just…let me go."

The look she gave him was enough to finally shatter his heart to pieces. He held her in his arms as a way to keep the pieces together, to keep her safe, to tell her that he felt the same as her, that she needed to remain strong because he couldn't do it for the both of had enough of trying to find news about Master and the others, if it were for him he would have run to them as soon as the bird arrived. But he couldn't have done that, not when she was alone and needed his protection. He needed to be there for her, for he knew too well the fear that she felt that day when she read the letter, because he felt it all the same. The fear, the uncertainty, the frustration, the anger of not being there, the pain.

"I need you to stay safe, please." He said close to her right ear, in a tightened voice she only heard that time in Tanbarun when she was abducted.

"I'm sorry, Obi." She pushed against him with all her strength and started racing through the corridor, through the stairs, through the deserted entrance hallway, through the hidden door that led to the kitchen and the back of the castle, until finally arriving at the rear balcony on the first floor. All of it without glancing back.

The windows of the balcony were open, and she violently pushed away one of the soldiers that were watching into the menacing blizzard outside. She didn't care. She couldn't care. She was tired, tired of it all. As she held herself to the stone railing and tried to focus her view through the violent snow, she felt Obi approach from behind.

She felt a sting of guilt in her chest. She knew he was just trying to protect her, but she really couldn't focus on anything but the rear gate now. She was surprised when a blanket was pulled on her to protect her from the cold. Obi was staring nervously into the rampaging night, trying to catch a glimpse of anything that was below them. Against the odds, her lips curved into an almost indiscernible smile: he felt the same way as her.

As she turned her eyes to look into the night, she heard the voices of soldiers screaming through the stormy wind. They were telling to open the gates. She panicked and forced her eyes to try to see something.

"There,Mistress." Said Obi as he signaled a spot about twenty metres away from the castle walls.

A small group of horses and their riders was approaching. Shirayuki recognized a tall guy on one of the first horses as soon as it was close enough to the castle to be illuminated by the torches the soldiers were carrying. It was Mitsuhide.

The knot in her throat was taking form again,but she managed to scream in awe at Obi at the startled guards, at the whole world to hear.

"It's them, it's them,...MY GOD...it could be nobody but them!"

As they both rushed through the stairs, the same feelings filled their hearts. Above all,they felt happy and relieved,but not enough to make the uncertainty disappear. What if not all of them arrived? What if something had happened? What if?

The gate was already open and the horses had started to come in. She stopped near the entrance as she tried to catch her breath.

Among the unknown people,the first person she recognized was Kiki,still mounted on the horse and clearing the way to let the other horses enter. She looked dead cold and tired, Shirayuki could barely recognize her among the snow-covered cloaks that covered her. Her hair was longer than she it was captain Hisame. Then Mitsuhide, and next to him...There was Zen. Her heart stopped and her lungs seemed to release her pain together with the air all at once. They were here. They were all fine. They were safe and back at home.

She couldn't remember well but suddenly her feet moved on their own. They took her closer to them as they dismounted horses that she didn't recognize as theirs.

Kiki and Mitsuhide noticed her and Obi instantly,and gave them exhausted glances that were filled with warmth. She smiled at them until they turned around to give urgent instructions to the guards. She focused her blurred vision on Zen.

He hadn't noticed her yet,as he spoke nonstop to the castle chief of the soldiers that were standing guard that night. His furred hat and cloak were almost entirely white due to the snow, and he kept his hands on the horse chair, almost as if he was….supporting himself on it. Oh,no, she thought. She couldn't figure what was the problem with Zen,but it just wasn't like him to keep an improper stance with his back turned to someone he was speaking to.

As the chief walked away and the newcomers started going inside the castle to escape the blizzard, she rushed towards him. It wasn't until she was a few steps away that he casually turned his head and saw her. His eyes opened wide and a sigh of relief escaped his chapped lips. He was pale as ice, had a few days long stubble, and big bags under his eyes, but his eye colour was as beautiful as she ever remembered.

"...Shirayu-" She interrupted him with a tight hug that muffled her sobs in his cloak.

"I'm so glad" She could only manage to say. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and her shoulders,and she suddenly didn't want to be anywhere else in the world but there in that precise moment.

Suddenly, Zen groaned lowly and shifted the balance in his legs. She raised her head and saw a painful expression on his face, blue eyes losing focus. Her heart skipped a beat. It wasn't over.

"What's wrong?" He didn't answer and lowered his head. Something was wrong, very wrong. "Obi, someone, help us!" She shrieked as she felt that Zen was starting to lean himself on her.

Obi was behind her all along and got a hold on Zen at the very instant. He was helped by Mitsuhide, who had quickly approached at Shirayuki's call. Zen, her prince, had fainted already, and Shirayuki's joy plummeted with the same speed as it came.

 **-So here is chap 2! Thank you all for your reviews! =)**


	3. Good Morning

**3\. Good Morning**

He blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted. He couldn't keep them open for long: there was just too much light for them to bear. Not that it was the only problem he had, though. His body felt as if it had been punched endlessly by some sturdy guy like Mitsuhide. Where was he? It was so warm and comfy, and it smelled so good, wherever it was where he lied there motionless. He tried to move his gashed leg a bit, just to check if he was dead already. It hurt as hell when he tried, though, so he was definitely still among the living. But where was he exactly? Yesterday's journey was a blurring bunch of memories, none of them pleasant: snow, wind, hunger, exhaustion, death, and cold...so cold he wished he died just to get over with it. He couldn't care less. He was crazy for riding through that hell of a blizzard, he knew that. But he had no choice, he had to make it to the castle although the shelters were nowhere to be seen, he'd promised her. He wanted to go home and return to her and Obi, he'd lost count of the months he'd been away from them. They were the only thing that kept him going through that cold. He could still feel the cold inside his bones now,as he lied there. He wondered if it would ever go away.

Something else bothered him, but it wasn't the cold of the long journey to the castle...it was the end of it. They made it. As his eyes finally adjusted, he could see he was now in his bedroom. Our bedroom,he corrected his thoughts. His memory felt also clearer,and he suddenly remembered. She was there...she SAW her, he HELD her in his arms...and then? What the hell happened after that impossible, blissful moment? He couldn't recollect any memory after that. Growing desperate, he tried to get up, but his body felt like stone. God, he must be dead. Did he really make it or was it all just an illusion? Then why did it hurt so much when he moved? He made a second try in a magnanimous attempt at getting up, but two soft hands held him in place. Yea, he was dead alright. He couldn't be looking at such a beautiful lady if it weren't so.

"Zen! Zen, are you awake? Good morning! You fainted last night, we thought it was probably from exhaustion...We had to practice an emergency surgery on your leg though...I mean...Can you even hear me right now? How do you feel? Are you hurting?" The beautiful lady looked panicked and spoke clumsily, as if she had been suddenly woken up from a deep sleep. Two bright green eyes looked at him attentively as she sat on a chair next to the bed, hands trying to smooth her wrinkled lab coat. Apple-red hair loosely tied in a messy bun in the back of her head, some locks framing her rounded face. He suddenly felt the urgent need to touch her, to caress her cheek, to tangle his fingers in that beautiful red hair, to kiss those lips endlessly. She was a dream come true.

"Shirayuki" he said in an embarrassingly weak voice. His throat was so dry it seemed to have forgotten how to speak correctly. She handed him a glass of water that he drank sloppily. As he handed it back, his gloved hand caressed her cheek. He didn't know how he managed to build the strength to lift his arm, but he couldn't have prevented it if he'd wanted to.

She clasped his hand under her own and pressed her warm cheek under it. She looked as if she hadn't had enough sleep in a while. He wondered if she was awake all night taking care of the rest of his convoy too. He wondered if she could possibly do otherwise.

"Zen, I'm so glad... so glad you came back...just... How are you feeling? We had to give you some strong anesthetics for your leg surgery, so you may feel a little dizzy for now. You shouldn't push yourself too hard. Are you in pain?" She took his hand carefully between hers and kissed its gloved back as she waited for his reply.

"Nothing serious." Though his leg said otherwise. "Sorry." He said as he tried to sit on the bed. "Sorry I worried you...all this time."

She paused and lowered her eyes, pursing her lips until they turned into an unconvincing smile. "No, I am just glad you made it here. Take it easy now, you need rest." She stopped his clumsy intents by pushing him against the mattress "I made Ryuu check on your leg about two hours ago, we put some special medicine in there, but you shouldn't be moving around a lot. The surgery went well, but you need to rest so the stitches won't pop out" She made another long pause. This was so like her. When she was upset about something, she needed to get her words right on her mind before blurting them out. He could almost hear all the questions her mind was making.

"Why?" she said lowly.

"Why...what?" he was surely expecting a longer sentence.

"Why did you do such a careless thing like riding through a blizzard like that? You could have died... just from the cold, you know." Well, that wasn't the kind of question he was expecting. Was THAT the thing that worried her the most now? What about the things that made him do it that happened BEFORE that?

"We just had no cho-"

"It was dangerous!" She said as she suddenly put his hand away and pressed her fists on her lap. The restraint was gone and two tears started trailing down her cheeks. "You could've just WAITED for it to pass, I've been waiting for months without any news from you lot, I could have waited some more!" She clearly forgot how she was feeling right before their arrival, but she couldn't care less given the circumstances. He was here with her, and she needed answers. "And why didn't you send word you were okay? Was it that much of a bother? Letting at least your wife know, or your brother, His Royal Highness himself, that you were alive?" She couldn't stop all the impotence, all the frustration, all the anger at her uselessness from coming out of her mouth like a storming blizzard.

Zen couldn't find the words to answer. He was astonished. He'd never seen Shirayuki so desperate and so weak at the same time. He'd never seen her cry so much either. It just wasn't like her to make such selfish remarks. The face she had at that moment was the saddest he'd seen in her,too, and it pierced right through his heart. He could physically feel the growing guilt in his chest. Just how much had she been through these past months? This beautiful, gentle, smart girl was suffering because of him, and he felt the worst.

"Did you even stop to consider that we were worried about you? That we couldn't reach you because of this stupid cold weather? Did you even think of us AT ALL?"

"Yes" He said firmly. Of all the things, he wouldn't fail to be true "Yes I did. Every single day I was far from home, I thought of you. I wanted nothing more but to come back." He was crying as well, it pained to see her suffering, it stinged inside his chest, deeper than any gash or broken bone he could have. He rose to finally sit completely on the bed. He took her face between his hands and touched her forehead with his own. "I'm sorry, Shirayuki. I'm sorry I made you go through all this."

Her face devoid of all aggression, she sobbed soundly and mumbled unintelligible words as she clasped the back of his undershirt with her hands, burying her face in his chest. He held her tightly as he rested his body against the pillows, bringing her body close to his.

He rested his head on hers and took in the scent of her hair. It was the same scent he felt when he had just woken up. It filled the bedroom they shared with the peace and warmth only she could bring.

After a while of just holding to each other, her sobs subsided. Their breathings were almost even now.

"I'm sorry." This time it was Shirayuki the one apologising.

"Why's that?" Zen was surprised for the second time that day.

"I was too rash, I didn't mean it like that" She was embarrassed at her attitude, how could she do that to him? She should be covering him in kisses, not selfish remarks.

"I know, I understand. I should be the one apologising for worrying you like this."

"You already did it, a lot. I'm sure you had your reasons…" She rose a bit and dried a tear from his cheek with her thumb. "...but you can save them for later." She smiled at him, and he smiled back. She didn't need anything else for now.

As she lowered her head again, she breathed in his scent, god she'd missed him. She thought she didn't need anything but to keep him close to her, as he was now. He was alive, a bit broken but safe. If she reached out her hand, she could feel his stubble under her palm, she could touch his hair with her hand as she watched his eyes closing in relaxation. She turned her neck a bit to find a more comfortable position on his chest. There. Perfect. The world could wait. She'd let it pass gladly.

"Shirayuki! Is Zen awake already?" Three voices in unison resounded in the next room. It seemed as if the world couldn't wait.

"Come on in" He said reluctantly without moving an inch.

"W-wait-" she tried to free herself from his firm grasp, but he held tighter. Just where did he get that strength from?

"Zen!" The door bursted open, and Shirayuki buried her face in his chest in embarrassment as she tried to wipe away her tears.

"Yo!" Said Zen nonchalantly.

"Zen, let me go!" she screamed but her voice was muffled by his grasp.

"It seems you finally reunited with Shirayuki" said Mitsuhide as Zen smiled and let Shirayuki break free from his arms.

Shirayuki finished wiping her tears with the back of her hand and smiled at the two aides. She could chat with them a bit last night as she treated their wounds. They both had cold rashes on the skin and lots of bruises, but Mitsuhide had it worse than Kiki. He had an old cut on the scalp -apparently he fell from his horse as they were retreating- and a severe lesion on his abdomen that needed urgent suture. He wouldn't say anything about it,but Shirayuki could tell Kiki wasn't okay with it. She confessed later to her that he got it while defending her from an Eastern soldier while they were hiding incognito in the neighboring country. Shirayuki didn't understand why they had to be on incognito, but what she did understand was Kiki's guilty uneasiness. She would feel horrible too if Zen had to suffer such a wound because of her. Kiki than assured her that Zen would explain everything to her when things calmed down. Indeed, the infirmary was chaotic, so Shirayuki didn't pry further.

"Obi, is that you? C'mere, I hadn't had the chance to say hello to you yet!"

Obi poked his head from behind Mitsuhide, almost looking shy, something that wasn't Obi-like at all, Zen thought. Then Obi pulled out his smug smirk and Zen relaxed. It was Obi alright.

He was ready to remember Master that he'd already welcomed him into the castle as he had to carry him inside like a princess after he fainted. He approached the bed and exchanged glances with Shirayuki. She smiled at him as she was clasping Master's hand. That's it, he thought. Things were back where they were supposed to be. The world had returned to normal. He forgot about the teasing and smiled sincerely this time.

Then Master suddenly extended his other arm towards him and pulled him into a hug as Shirayuki patted his back. He would never admit it, but he couldn't find a moment in his life that could rival the happiness he felt in that moment.

 **-Thank you all for the feedback! I'll keep updating as soon as I am finishing the chapters.**


	4. Long Story Short

**4\. Long Story Short**

"There's no way to make the story short" Zen said as he sat on his bed the next morning, after spending his first full day at Wilant in a frenzy. He sighed and looked at Shirayuki and Obi, sitting one next to the other on the couch next to the bed Zen was sitting on. "But I'll try my best to keep you two up to date with the basics."

Ever since he arrived at Wilant, he had been imparting orders here and there from his bed, as Shirayuki told Obi to not let him leave their room so he could get the rest he needed. Shirayuki was in a frenzy too,as she had to attend the all the incoming soldiers with the only help of the small pharmacy team and Ryuu while they waited for reinforcements from Lyrias. She could only take short naps and she hardly met with Zen, given that he'd already received treatment while his men were also in urgent need.

At the end of the day, Zen had to write to His Royal Highness, his Brother, explaining as short as he could the whole situation. He spent almost two entire hours on it and by the time he'd finished he was so exhausted he literally passed out onto a deep sleep until the next morning.

Now he'd called for his aides and his knight to accompany him and Shirayuki for breakfast in their room. He owed them an explanation.

Basically, the situation wasn't good. At all. Before Zen had arrived in the Northeast, more than eight months ago, he'd received reports telling him that the three farthest towns located at the Northeastern border of Clarines wanted to trade some products from Palas, the neighboring country, that were charged with a very high tax by the Clarines Crown. Zen was also informed that the townspeople had already come together to broker an illegal trade pact with Palas, without notifying the Crown.

Although Zen had read several earlier reports of the illegal trading schemes, being the appointed Royal Overseer of the North he knew he had to be cautious with those three towns, as they were ruled by Bergatt descendants. Indeed, although the Bergatt issue in the North had been calmed down thanks to his Mother's efforts first and his' later, there were still some Bergatt members in the North that weren't willing to give up their power to the Crown, at least not at any cost or without putting up a good fight.

Zen knew this to be an urgent matter, but he had to trust the issue to Captain Hisame and delay his intervention because it was the busiest season of the year at Wilant Castle. Besides, some illegal trading from small towns dimmed at the importance of events that backed the prosperity of the Kingdom in its entirety such as the Annual Harvest Fair and the first ever Wilant Castle Open Day.

That was his resolution until the night Hisame arrived with his report. He had only spent two days observing the situation after a two-week trip to get to the limit with Palas, but what he found out was more than enough to return to Wilant as fast as he could.

That night, almost nine months ago, Zen received Hisame in his office, awaken from his bed by the news of his captain's sudden arrival. His sleepy state cleared up when he listened to what Hisame was informing. It wasn't long before other businesses had bloomed in the area after the illegal trading started, as Palas bankers started making loans to the Clarines towns at a seemingly cheap price. As the townspeople grew more and more indebted, the bankers started taking land as a form of payment in no time.

But that wasn't the worst of it. Hisame's report was falling short in describing the complexity of the situation.

Within less than a week, Zen and his aides made all the necessary arrangements to lead an intervention with a group of soldiers in the Northern towns. After a hurried goodbye to Obi and Shirayuki, and a promise so return within less than three months, they departed.

But when Zen and his aides arrived, things had gotten out of hand. The Palas militia were backing the bankers and proclaimed sovereignty over the lands as the Bergatt leaders kept their positions, self-proclaiming fealty to the Palas Kingdom.

Zen wasn't sure what to make of the situation. It was clear that the Bergatt leaders had a lot to gain from it: by swearing loyalty to another kingdom other than Clarines, with which they weren't fond of to begin with, they got to cancel his citizens' debts, plus they allowed the access to foreign expensive goods at a cheap price. The citizens weren't complaining, at least for the time being, as they saw no ill consequences to their leader's decision. The intention of Palas wasn't so strange, for it was a country with which Clarines hadn't had a specially good relation. Yet its actions were too sudden, too aggressive.

After weeks of unsuccessfully trying to get a diplomatic exit, and after receiving a direct threat from the Palas general in the area, Zen asked for military backup from the Northern soldiers, as there was no time to bring more soldiers all the way from Wistal. By the time they'd arrived, the Palas soldiers still outnumbered them 3 to 1.

That was the time when he wrote his last letter to Shirayuki. They were ambushed the night after Zen sent his letter with a messenger from his improvised camp in the forest. He tried his best to hold the camp, but the battle was lost long before it began. He gathered as many survivors as he could, and ran away. He and Mitsuhide were hurt in the process, his leg received a full sword swing and Mitsuhide got punched in the stomach with a warhammer, falling off his horse and hurting his head. A soldier managed to send their last bird with a short notification to Wilant before crossing the border into the forests of the Palas lands.

The months after that were blurry. Working in the shadows, going incognito and gathering information about the Palas soldiers' movements. By the time they made it back to Clarines, winter had settled in, and it was impossible to get to Wilant without running through a 4-meters-thick snowed ground, a storming blizzard, or both. He wouldn't get into the details but that was much easier said than done. They did all they could to survive. Five more of his men died in Palas, and eight more when they were back in Clarines. When they finally made it to Wilant, the Eastern lands were still under the hands of the Palas generals, and a potential war was unraveling between the two countries, only delayed by the winter conditions.

"It was my fault" Zen said a moment after he finished his story. "I should have intervened immediately...If only I had been more careful reading the reports, I would have noticed something was wrong and this wouldn't have escalated to this point"

He clicked his tongue in frustration as he lowered his head and frowned. It made him look older than he was. Shirayuki wanted to say something to reassure him but Zen spoke again.

"I remember I was so busy at that time. Wilant was having its first Open Day event, and there was so much to do...I wanted to let the world outside come into the castle but wouldn't give a damn about what was happening under my own jurisdiction…" His fists were so tightly clenched his knuckles turned white.

"It was our fault too, Zen." Mitsuhide interrupted him. " We should have noticed, it was our duty too. Besides, you shouldn't worry over spilled milk. It won't happen again and we'll get through this."

"I know" But Zen still looked displeased. Or more like, sad.

Shirayuki let out of her trance and noticed her tea had grown cold, but she drank a sip of it just to clear her dried throat. It was too much information, and when she began to process it and understand what it entailed, her chest tightened and a shiver ran down her spine. She was sure Zen'd omitted the most gory details for her sake, but she felt that it was still too much. Gods only knew what they had to go through when they were there. Failing to prevent a war, seeing your soldiers die, going into hiding in an unknown and dangerous country. And now, the war only waited for spring to come to rampage into their lives again.

She didn't want him to face those sorts of things. Never. She felt the urge to protect him from everything. But, he was a Prince, she knew it from the start. A Prince who'd decided to carry his responsibility to protect his country with proud so much as to... sacrifice himself for it. As the idea sank in her mind, she gathered her resolve. She needed to keep strong for him. She wouldn't falter when he needed her support the most. So she put her hand on his, tried to catch his eye to give him the kind of reassurance he needed,but he wouldn't look up. He was too entranced in his thoughts. As the silence grew heavier, she didn't know what to say. Zen's expression of pure sadness paralyzed her.

"Well, seems like we've got plenty of work to do" said Obi nonchalantly, breaking the silence they'd fallen into. "Master" Zen lightly lifted his eyes towards his knight. "Please leave the information acquisition matters to me, we can leave the paperwork to Mitsuhide".

Mitsuhide gasped in surprise and faked an annoying tone "Hey, why is it only me?"

Everyone looked at their interaction and smiled, even Zen. As she observed the lighter expression on his husband's face, Shirayuki thought that, in his own way, Obi was amazing.

 **-Hey! I thought I wasn't gonna be one of THOSE authors but well... Anyway, here's chapter 4! :D For those asking why this is M-rated...Just wait and see.**


	5. I'm Here Now

**5\. I'm Here Now**

She sighed as she closed the door to their bedroom. Today had been just as busy as the day before: she'd been welcoming the royal pharmacists from Lyrias and instructing them to manage the soldiers' medical records.

"Hey there" Zen was sitting on the bed, surrounded by a pile of papers and letters covering the blankets. Far from that stern look he had in the morning, he looked relaxed. A few candles on his nightstand gave the room a pale golden colour. The open curtains showed that it was already dark and heavily snowing outside.

"Hey there."

She approached and left the tray with hot tea on his nightstand to sit next to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Far better. You are amazing, Shirayuki"

He gave her that endearing look that she recognized instantly. It made her forget about the worries that had been roaming inside her mind ever since Zen told her about his days up North. That look went right to her heart, it told her without words how important she was to him. It gave her the reassurance she needed the most: the certainty that after all those months he spent away from her, surrounded by death and cold, he could still gaze at her with such devotion.

She felt her cheeks grow warm all of a sudden, and an instant smile surged on her lips. She felt shyer than usual and avoided his eyes while her fingers toyed with the wrinkles on the sheets that covered his legs.

"You were mostly dehydrated and exhausted. As for your leg, it was an old wound,but it kept bleeding because it hadn't healed properly." She shuddered when she thought how close he'd been of developing gangrene. It seemed that luck hadn't completely abandoned her husband. "The scarring won't go away but I'm sure you will be able to walk normally in no time."

"I'm sure I will, if you are the one taking care of me"

She looked up at his flirtatious tone and saw how he smiled wider when she locked her gaze with his half-lidded eyes. She blushed deeper and looked down again. He could be so sly when he wanted. She suddenly grew conscious of how the flush in her cheeks run through every inch of her body, of the way her heartbeat quickened, of how her fingers started fidgeting nervously with the sheets and the fact that she couldn't control them. She instinctively tried to change the subject of their conversation.

"Zen, I...there's so much I need to tell you, we almost hadn't had time to talk-"

"Why didn't you come sleep next to me?" He interrupted her, his face changed from cheeky to stern in a blink of the eye, his tone serious.

Surprised at his sudden change of attitude, her mind recalled she'd slept in the pharmacy couch and in the chair next to their bed, but she'd purposefully avoided sleeping next to him for the last couple of days. She also noticed this was a subject she absolutely didn't want to talk about.

"You are still recovering from your wound and you need to sleep. You wouldn't be comfortable with me here, besides, I still had to do night shifts to take care of the patients…" She felt as if she was just giving lame excuses.

"How could you possibly think that you would bother me by being here?"

She panicked when she saw his face turn into a hurting expression. She was doing everything wrong. The least she wanted was to hurt him. She didn't know what to say to make up for her stupid behavior.

"I missed you, Shirayuki" He confessed, eyes sparkling with honesty.

Her heart skipped a beat and her vision blurred with tears. Her body tightened in a rigid posture and her mouth grew dry.

"And ever since I've arrived, you keep avoiding me" He stated. "Am I wrong?" She denied with a soft head motion, unable to speak.

"We've hardly spoke to each other ever since I've arrived." His blue eyes kept looking at hers, as deep as the sea. Questioning her, reading her like a book.

She bit her lower lip, feeling guilty and exposed. She knew she needed to clear things up for him, she'd promised herself to be strong. She took a long breath to calm her nerves and managed to keep her tears at bay.

"It's been so long since I last saw you, Zen...And then I get to know all the things you've been put through, all the time you were out there and I didn't know where you were or HOW you were...I just..." She gasped for air, trying to gather the strength in her voice even though it sounded weak and pitiful between her sobs. "I think that by avoiding you I'm just protecting myself, I- I don't want to repeat these last few months ever again." she felt as if a big weight had been lifted up from her shoulders. She'd just spoke the bare truth in her heart.

"You won't. I promise. I'm-"he was going to apologize again but he reflected on it: she wouldn't have liked that. Yet he painfully reminded himself he wasn't in a position to promise anything, with their future as uncertain as it was. "I'm here now, Shirayuki. And I won't be going away, at least for the time being"

His voice caressed her like a lullaby. It was true, he was here, with her. She felt her body relax and surrender to those words and their meaning. He was here and she could feel him, right beside her.

Finally, their eyes met and green merged into blue in a gaze that spoke of loneliness, insecurities, love and longing.

"Shirayuki…" With his hand, he brought her face close to his, she closed her eyes. The kiss was but a seal of their unspoken connection.

They were both well aware that they hadn't kissed in months, and almost instantly the kiss turned deeper. Shirayuki supported herself with her hands on the mattress as she leaned into the kiss. Zen threw away the papers between them with his right hand while he let out a little moan between her lips.

She gave a little gasp of pleasure when his tongue touched hers, and she couldn't help but to bring both her arms around his neck to deepen the contact, bringing them both down against the mattress.

He was so warm, his masculine scent so enticing, his hair so soft. She needed to remember everything again, she needed to feel him, touch him, to make sure he was there again with her. He felt the same. As his gloved hand struggled with the ribbon that held her messy ponytail to set her apple-red hair free, his right hand caressed her back, from her neck to her hips.

The kiss was far too long, and they both had to desperately gasp for air.

As they looked each other in the eyes, they could feel it. The atmosphere was changed, time and space faded away and suddenly it was all about their senses feeling only the touch, the fragrance and the image of the other. They were now overly conscious of how their bodies touched, how desirable their lips looked, how lustful their eyes glowed.

It was just an instant until they kissed again, this time the kiss was faster, more urgent, more demanding. Pressing Zen against the bed, careful to not touch his injured leg, Shirayuki put one of her legs between his, pressing her thigh against his crotch. A low groan came from his throat and Shirayuki heard it in rapture. She missed that sound of his so much.

Despite her efforts to deepen the kiss, he backed his lips away to let out a long, trembling sigh.

"Sh-Shirayuki-ah-Wait-"

Already decided to have her way as she was, Shirayuki shut him up with a hard kiss and started rubbing her thigh hard against his crotch. As she buried both of her hands in his hair, her lips left his and started kissing his neck instead. As a response, his hands grabbed her lower back possessively and his mouth was left free to sigh soundly against her hair.

As she heard him trying to repress his moans against her ear, she thought that indeed the passing of time had made her greedier. She couldn't get enough, she wanted more. Some time before he'd left for the Northeast, she'd discovered the pleasures of catching her dear husband off-guard: the noises he made, the reactions she could get from him.

Her hand had started to trail down when he suddenly grabbed her with both hands and flipped their bodies on the bed. His gashed leg didn't welcome the harsh movement, but he didn't even notice. As she got out of her surprise, she was startled by the way his eyes preyed on her with such a fire in them that her body trembled, almost ached, in anticipation.

"You're gonna kill me if you keep that up" he said, breathing shallowly and looking straight into her, eyes as dark as the night outside the window.

"I missed you, so much" she finally let out, hugging his neck and kissing him again. As he supported himself with his left arm, his right hand started traveling along the side of her body, from her shoulder to her ribs, her abdomen,her hip, her thigh. She could feel as his fingers tugged at the hem of her winter dress. She wanted him to take it off, it felt suddenly too hot for her. Her hands trailed down his torso and tugged at his undershirt on his back. She let him flip her dress up and when it reached her waistline she sat on the mattress and helped him take it off.

She watched him watch her with mesmerized eyes for a few seconds and -despite the fact that she still had her camisole on- she couldn't help but blush. He looked so handsome under the candlelight , his eyes glowing, his hair uneven, his loose undershirt wrinkled. He was still the same Zen as ever, but in the past years he grew a bit taller, his frame widened and his facial expressions looked wiser.

"I love you, Zen" the words escaped her mouth the moment she thought them.

"Curious" he answered. "I was thinking the very same thing, Shirayuki" his lips made a side grin that she mimicked. She hugged him tightly and leaned for another kiss, his hand caressing one of her thighs as she loosely locked her legs around his waist. He parted the kiss and started planting little kisses around her neck, her clavicles and her shoulder. His hand had already reached her abdomen under her camisole and she sighed at the contact, encouraging him to continue on his path. She was so honest and blunt, he thought. Grinning, he bit her ear and whispered her name lowly just before his hand reached her breast, cupping it softly as his fingers caressed her sensitive skin. He heard her moan lowly and felt her tiny hands pulling his undershirt up. He needed more, he wanted to touch her more. With impatience, he helped her get rid of his undershirt and tossed it away in the room, so that he could do the same to her camisole the moment after.

As he resumed his exploration on her chest, she caressed his torso and even in the dim light she could notice he had lost weight while he was away, gaining a lot of bruises instead. Her recent discoveries didn't go unnoticed by the prince, and he let her plant wet, open-mouthed kisses over each and every bruise she laid her eyes upon. Then she looked up and erased the apologetic expression she knew he had on his face with another open-mouthed kiss on his lips. Moved by her gesture, he pressed her body against his, feeling her soft breasts against his chest. She increased the pressure of her legs around his waist, bringing him even closer.

His pants grew even tighter around his groin, he couldn't keep this up much longer. As he trailed up her torso and caressed her back, he lowered her body against the mattress, and after a peck on her lips as a form of asking for permission, he lowered his head and gave her a kiss in the vale between her breasts. She hummed in response as he shifted his attention towards her right breast, his right hand caressing the other one. She couldn't help but let out a moan when he flicked his tongue against her nipple and then sucked it thoroughly.

He felt her hands tremble on his shoulders and a wave of pleasure flowed through his body when she said his name between gasps. He couldn't hold that slow rhythm in his movements anymore. After all those months far from her he couldn't think of anything but the instinctive urge to claim her, to make Shirayuki his without delay. His tongue became demanding, his hands possessive over her breast and hip.

"Zen...ple-ah!"

 _Now who was the one begging for mercy?_ he thought as he playfully grazed his teeth over her left nipple. She stopped his teasing by grabbing his face up into a deep kiss. Her legs were now locked firmly in his lower back, instinctively pushing his crotch closer to hers. He instantly reacted by groping clumsily around her hips to find the hem of her underwear so he could pull it off. He needed to at least warn her that his self-restraint was already lost at that point. He needed to be a well-mannered, composed prince.

"Shirayuki…" he said between her lips and ragged breaths "I can't...much longer." To his relief, she responded by helping him get rid of her underwear and out of his pants. With the little composure he had left, he tried to calm himself and somehow thank her by starting a trail of kisses downwards from her navel, but she stopped him again by dragging him up again to face him.

"Me neither" She said, looking at him straight in the eye, cheeks flushed with red. She didn't want the polite and composed prince, she just wanted the unbound and passionate Zen that she knew he could become behind closed doors.

He let out a groan and kissed his wife fiercely. Her tongue flicked in anticipation against his as he pulled out his throbbing erection and positioned at the entrance between her legs. She held to him with her arms around his back and they both moaned in pleasure when he finally entered her.

It had been so long. So long since he last felt her so warm and wet around him that he needed all his strength not to fall in that same instant. She felt so tight that he also had to remind himself to be careful not to hurt her. The little voice of reason he had told him he needed to keep it together. With his elbows pressed against the mattress for support, face buried in apple-red hair, he let out a restrained, long sigh as he held still, giving her the time to relax.

In two seconds, she opened her eyes and pushed her hips up, getting a surprised gasp from her partner. She giggled nervously and said "Thank you. You can move now" and gave him a kiss on his silver hair, caressing his lower back for encouragement. That was all he wanted to hear. As slowly as he could, he pulled out, and then thrusted in, this time going himself into her.

That intimacy, that closeness she'd been craving for so long... She could finally feel it then as he was buried deep inside of her, filling her up. She sobbed and hugged him tighter, bringing her legs higher and locking them behind his torso. As she did it, her lower half twitched and she felt a wave of pleasure flow through her body. Zen pulled out, and in again, and she gasped his name in his ear while he tried to gain some pace to his thrusts.

His mind was blank, or more like, the only thing there was Shirayuki. There wasn't anything else in the world but them, at that moment, moaning their names in each other's ears, breathing the same air, sharing the same warmth. As much as he tried to keep it slow and steady, his thrusts grew faster, needier in no time. Shirayuki shivered and buried her nails on his back, moaning as his pace quickened and their chests touched with each thrust.

It was hopeless, he thought. He was too close, but Shirayuki wasn't as close yet. He then started to suck on the skin over her sensitive spot in the crook of her neck. At the same time, his left hand held her still by the hip as he vigorously thrusted into her.

"Ah! Zen...mmhh" she bit her lower lip to muffle her moans as he now gritted his teeth along her neck and sucked her earlobe sloppily. Yet he couldn't keep that up for long as he needed his mouth to gasp for air. His thrusts were uneven, fast and deep, and she noticed he couldn't control them anymore. She glanced at his face and saw his eyes shut tightly and how his breathing was fast and shallow. Feeling him going over the edge pulled a string of pleasure inside of her that only he knew how to pull.

"Shirayu-ki" he gasped against her ear just before his muscles locked above her. The moan he let out as he came was long and unrestrained, and it was more than enough to throw her over the edge too. She kept on hugging him as she abandoned herself to the waves of pleasure of her own release.

He heavily collapsed on top of her, face still buried in her hair, shallow breathing. His body trembling in the aftermath of his release, his hand caressing the place in her hip he was strongly gripping a second ago. She breathed in his scent from his neck as she kept holding onto him. She loved those moments, because it was then when he was the most devoid of self-composure, exposed as the sensitive human being that he was, beyond the heavy burden of his responsibilities.

It was only then when he seemed to abandon his royal title of Prince to be just Zen, the person she loved, her home.

A few moments later, Zen nuzzled his nose against Shirayuki's cheek before getting off her with heavy movements.

"I'm sorry, I was crushing you" he said worriedly as he brought up the blanket to cover them from the cold. There it was, Shirayuki thought. The composed Zen had returned.

"You know I don't mind" she replied from her position as she let him cover herself. With sleepy eyes, she watched his movements as he sat next to her and tried to comb with his hand the mess his hair had become, which Shirayuki had much to account for.

"Are you okay? I lost it at some points, I must have been too rough on you…"

She blinked slowly and sat up as she covered her naked chest with the blanket, only to put one of her fingers on his mouth to silence him. "To tell you the truth, it hurt, a lot. I don't think I'll ever want to do it again with you." She said in an overly exaggerated solemn fashion. Zen's eyes widened and his complexion grew as pale as snow in a second. She then gave him a silly smile. "Worry not, my dear. I'm feeling great".

He relaxed and couldn't help but capture her lips between his. After a sweet, languid kiss, they parted. "Your leg" she remembered all of a sudden. "How's your leg?"

"What leg?" he said in the spur of the moment, honestly confused. A second later his eyes opened in recognition "Oh, that-It's fine, I mean, it gave me no problem at all, I mean…" He blushed heavily as he stumbled over his explanations, he'd totally forgotten about it as they were doing it. It reminded her of what a truly huge dork her husband was, and she thought he looked extremely cute at that moment, but she knew better than telling him that. Instead, she just giggled, snuggling against his bare chest and pushing him down on the bed.

"I'm sleepy" she yawned against his skin

"Yea, let's get some rest, I'm expecting a messenger from Brother tomorro-"

"Shh, not now, _Prince_ Zen" she interrupted him.

He smiled lazily. Shirayuki felt relieved she could help him forget at least for a moment those last few months of torture they had to live while being apart, and she wanted the effect to last as long as possible. She felt his chest raise as he sighed and kissed the crown of her head.

"Roger, Red-Haired Princess" he said as he blew off the candles on his nightstand. Next to them, the tea lied cold and forgotten.

As they snuggled closer in their first night together after his arrival, Shirayuki's thoughts drifted North before falling into a deep sleep

" _...you're nothing but a worthless peasant whore with red hair..."_

 **Hey there! It really took me a while but I'm back with a super long chapter! Yay! Stay tuned for what's to come :)**


	6. Bitter Taste

**6\. Bitter Taste**

A cold shiver ran through his spine as he paced around the frozen garden of the castle. He looked up and only saw grey in the early morning sky. He sighed, heavily.

"I guess it's already the time of the year that makes it though for the outside-roaming cats like me" he mumbled to himself.

"You mean because of the cold?"

Obi jumped in surprise. Just like a cat, his senses decreased with the coming of the sunlight, so he couldn't hear the person approaching. As Obi turned to look and recognize him, he gave him the credit of not being a particularly noisy person at all.

Apart from having a rather introspective and quiet personality, "little Ryuu" had developed long, slender limbs that enabled him to rapidly sneak into the deepest corners of the Lyrias library, though his height -about as tall as Obi himself- gave him away wherever he was.

"I don't think it's the cold itself, but the countless layers of clothes you have to wear to be outside. It gets really difficult to move, you see, little Ryuu" said Obi as he approached the boy with a side grin.

Though he could be already be considered a young man now, the now Head Pharmacist and Researcher of Lyrias would forever be a little boy for Obi, no matter how many years passed. Though Obi called him like this, the boy didn't seem to mind.

"For example" Obi continued on his lecture "To be able to stand guard up in the castle walls for at least four hours, you should put on a hat and two more cloaks over the one you already have."

Ryuu hummed quietly in response. Obi was used to his silent way of communication, and knew there was more to their encounter than it being a casual thing. He'd learned that the best way when treating with Ryuu was to ask directly and strike dead on the subject.

"What brings you here to this damn cold area of the castle, little Ryuu?" He said, his feet idly pacing on the snow.

"I am looking for Shirayuki" Said the boy.

Obi startled and almost stumbled over his own steps.

"Have you seen her? One of the newcomer soldiers seems to be developing some sort of breathing pathology and we need to review our previous diagnosis"

Obi widened his eyes in recognition and managed to throw in a response

"Umm...Have you checked in the auxiliary pharmacy restroom?"

The truth was that Obi knew exactly where Mistress was at the moment. Last night, as he went to check up on Master just before he started his night shift, he saw Shirayuki enter the royal bedroom a few steps ahead of him, carrying a tray with tea. He patiently waited in the hallway for five minutes, but the door didn't open again, and the light he could see under the door didn't turn off. She never left the room where Master was, and they stayed awake.

"I haven't. I'll go check now. Thanks, Obi" Ryuu turned around without waiting for a reply, something he did quite often when he was in a hurry.

As he watched Ryuu's back moving away, Obi sighed in relief. In a way, he felt like a lame older brother. His mind couldn't possibly figure the way to address those sorts of issues with little Ryuu. He sincerely hoped the boy would take his time searching for her, because he'd already run out of other places to suggest.

The pale whiteness of the morning light made his eyes sting. Damn, he should start closing the curtains of the bedroom at night. He was distracted by a sudden movement beneath him. A bright red mane was brushing against his chest as a little whimper came from under it. His wife was having a bad dream.

"Shirayuki. Shirayuki, wake up."

He gently shaked her shoulder and got worried when he felt her skin covered in a cold sweat.

Her eyes finally opened, and for an instant, her expression was of pure fear. When she met eyes with a worried Zen, she calmed down and buried her face in his bare chest. She could hear his heartbeat, her dear husband's heartbeat. She breathed deeply against his skin.

"A bad dream? You want to tell me about it?" He whispered against her hair as he slowly caressed her sweaty back to calm her down. He remembered she used to have this kind of episodes when she was too stressed out at work in the castle pharmacy.

"No, it's alright, it's nothing." she lied. If anything, her chest felt crushed by fear. But now wasn't the time to tell him. Not yet. She wanted at least for their little piece of ephemeral happiness to last a little more.

"Then... is your body hurting? I mean from last ni-"

"No." She cut his speech, too immersed in the memories of her dream to even feel embarrassed.

In her nightmare, shadows from the Baylord clan broke into the castle and abducted her. Just like that time in Tanbarun, her captors ambushed her and Obi in the castle. But as they were taking her away, things took a turn for the worse: Obi was killed by them as he tried to protect her.

They took her to a foreign land, far away from her home and the people she held dear.

 _You will never return to Clarines. You belong with the peasantry, not with the royal family. You will never be next to the Prince again. We have better plans for you here up North._

She shivered at the memory of the words spoken to her in her nightmare. The shadows crept from every direction, covering her vision, turning everything black...

"Hey, are you _really_ okay? You look pale." Zen took her face between his hands and looked her dead in the eye with a stern expression. "Was it really a nightmare or…? As I thought, I was too rough last night…"

This time Shirayuki did feel her cheeks heat up in embarrassment, and her chest tighten in annoyance.

"No! Gods, I told you, it's not _that.._ Wh-why are you always like _this_?" She fumbled her words as she felt every inch of her skin turn redder than her hair.

"Like _this_? Like what?" he looked amused and truly unaware of the nature in her sudden change in behavior.

"You're always so composed and...and so..so…... _polite_! It's annoying"

His joking smile faded on his lips at her last words. She frowned and, closing her eyes in exhaustion, started to push against him to escape from his arms. She felt the urge to escape and be left alone, but then noticed she was still naked under the sheets and felt weak under his scrutinizing eyes.

"Shirayuki, that can't be what's possibly bothering you, is it? Please, tell me what's _really_ wrong."

He tried to catch her arm but she struggled free and started tearing up, like a little girl throwing a tantrum.

He grew desperate, took her by the shoulders and shook her lightly

"Hey, it's not like you to do this. _Talk_ to me."

He was right. This was not like her. And somehow that realization made her cringe. What was she even feeling annoyed for anyway? Because her husband was being kind to her? How stupid was that? Her mind was a hopeless mess.

The only thing she knew was that she felt miserable. How could she become so selfish in these past few months? Ever since he'd arrived, he kept on being attentive and caring to her. Her behavior had been nothing but that of a cold stone, as she struggled to avoid him as a petty way to protect herself from another eventual departure of his...and from the possibility of losing him forever.

She realized that their lovemaking from last night couldn't erase that chance so easily, and she suddenly grew desperate. What if this war took him from her _for real_? What would become of her? And...how could she possibly share her own insecurities and her own problems with the Baylord clan with _him_...A kind, loyal prince who had to shoulder the heavy burden of the lost lives of the soldiers who acted obeying his command?

She looked into his deep blue eyes and saw nothing but worriness. She couldn't hold that gaze of his any longer. The best was to wait until she put her thoughts together and then tell him eventually. After all, the threat was only known by a very small group of people and not even King Izana was aware yet.

This was not the right time, it was too soon and Zen had too much to handle already. She could at least do this for him.

Slowly, silently, she let go of his hands on her shoulders and, almost shyly looking down, turned her back on Zen and got up the bed. She quickly picked her camisole up from the floor and put it on as Zen stared at her in silent disbelief, a bitter taste caught in his throat.

She then picked her robe from the sofa and entered the bath room through an interconnecting door. Not a word was said, not from her, not from him.

As soon as she entered the bath room, she started crying her eyes out.

When she finished washing herself and entered the bedroom again, she saw Zen had already changed clothes and was sitting on a regal chair next to the fireplace.

He stared back intently at her and spoke in a low, stern tone he hardly ever used on her. "Is there something I can do about it?"

She felt the guilt roam through her veins.

"Not yet. Just... give me some time." She said in a ragged voice after a long cry.

"I see." Was all he said before getting up and limping out of the room, closing the door with a slam.

Inside, his mind was screaming in frustration. He didn't understand, he _couldn't_ understand. His rest was over, he proclaimed. More than anything, he needed to put himself to work. It was the only way he knew to divert himself from the impotence that filled him to the core.

He wasn't mistaken when he felt a strange behavior from his wife ever since he arrived. Last night he felt her his, yes, but that feeling vanished the morning after. Something was up in Shirayuki's mind, making her distant and cautious, _and she wasn't willing to share it with him._

He felt the bitter taste in his throat from the morning become into something like nausea, and a pulsing wave of uneasiness started to grow in his chest.

This was, indeed, not the welcoming home he'd been hoping for all those months in the cold. He wasn't the same man he was before leaving Wilant some months ago, and Shirayuki certainly wasn't the same woman he left either.

As he walked in a fast pace through the corridors, he bitterly realised that hoping things would stay the same during his time away had been a silly, silly wish.

 **-** **Lookie here who's back! I'm not even ashamed of posting this with this much delay, but I'll certainly keep on going with this work!**

 **As always thank you all for your support, you're the ones that really keep this going! Read you guys soon.**


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